Kurogane and Fai Go To WalMart
by flo-bizet
Summary: When in dire need of batteries, Fai forces Kurogane to take him to WalMart. During their adventure, they encounter hitch hikers, mourn for road kill, have to put up with the night time staff, and many more annoyances. T for dirty thoughts and words.
1. To WalMart!

**Date Written:** June 23, 2007

**Summary:** There are no batteries in the house causing Fai to panic. So he and Kurogane set out on an amazing night time adventure complete with hitch hikers, assumed road kill, "friendly" helpers, and harassment from the night shift workers.

**WARNINGS!** Language is a definite one along with dirty conversations and thoughts. And shonen-ai. But no yaoi/"subtext" scenes. I think that that's it. It's a typical Flo crack fic. Plot with a hell of a lot of stupidity and dirtiness. You love it!

**ALSO!** Though I don't think it terribly necessary, Kurogane and Fai are already a couple. It's obvious pretty quickly, but there are some people who… you know.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Tsubasa Chronicles nor the Wal-Mart chain. If I did, then I would have all the power necessary to take over the entire world! Bwa ha ha!

**A/N:** I can't believe I posted this, let alone wrote it. -_shrug_- It was fun, though, and I'm having fun thinking of the future chapters.

**Hope you enjoy!**

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"Uh oh," Fai said from the kitchen.

Kurogane heard this and sat still for a while, debating how much that, "Uh oh" indicated something bad. With Fai, though, you couldn't really tell. Sighing, he got up from the couch where he was enjoying a very nice bottle of alcohol and begrudgingly went into the kitchen. Looking around, he didn't see anything broken, spilled, or in the process of causing a domino effect in any way, so it was most likely something unimportant. But just to be safe.

"Something wrong?" Kurogane asked.

Looking over his shoulder, face covered in concern, Fai said, "We don't have any batteries!"

Kurogane's face was covered in indifference. "Yeah?"

"Yeah! I can't believe it either, but it's true! I've looked everywhere! The bedroom, the bathroom, the living room, the office, the car, the closets, and here. But there aren't any in the whole house! We have to go to Wal-Mart right now. Get the keys!"

Kurogane did none of the sort and it caused Fai to look at him as if he were the crazy one. Instead, Kurogane crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame. He kept his gaze on Fai, as if daring him to speak. Then again, when it came to Fai and speaking, there was no need to initiate a dare.

"What?" Fai asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Do we really need to go through the 'you're stupid' routine here?" Kurogane said.

"Stupid? How is this stupid?! Give me one reason!"

"It's 10:30 at night! And the only reason to go out would be to go drinking, not to Wal-Mart, which I remind you is half an hour away, for freakin' batteries!" (1)

"But the fact that we don't have batteries now is an obvious sign that if we don't get them right away, then I won't remember to get them the next time I'm at the store."

"Then write it down on a list. Besides, why would we need to go all the way to Wal-Mart when there are probably batteries at the gas station half way there?"

Fai gasped and looked at Kurogane completely horrified. "You want me to go to a shady gas station in the middle of the night?! Do you have any idea what could happen while I'm there?! I could get robbed, beaten, sexually assaulted, do I need to continue?"

"No, and I don't care! Since your license was revoked, I'm stuck taking you and any punks hanging around there who would try to jump us would have to be high!"

"So if I did have my license, you'd make me go to the shady gas station alone?"

"Stop twisting my words!"

"But remember the last time we had to stop by there? You had to beat up twelve guys because one of them grabbed my butt and you nearly got arrested. Do you want a repeat of that?"

Kurogane growled at the combination of that memory and Fai making sense. "Fine, you don't have to go to the shady gas station, but we're sure as hell not going to Wal-Mart at this time of night, you got me? You'll just have to wait until tomorrow."

Kurogane was turning to go back into the living room to put some sweet alcohol into his system when he heard Fai huff, "Well then, I guess you'll just have to wait for sex."

Taking the bait despite it's obvious lure, Kurogane said through gritted teeth, "What does that have to do with batteries?" He had a thing against sex toys so there was no connection going on between sex and batteries for him (Kurogane was a man and would make Fai scream by his own hands, without the use of such things).

"Do you have any idea as to how many things in this house need batteries?" Kurogane shook his head. "A lot! Many of which we use in our everyday tasks. So if we were to not have batteries, those tasks would take who knows how much longer, and that would leave me exhausted with a headache, too, and just wanting to go to sleep instead of doing more physical activities."

Biting his tongue with the remark that he was the one who did most of the physical work, Kurogane saw this for what it really was: Fai wanting to get his way. Or in other words, Fai was being a bitch. Despite his kink for a bitchy Fai, Kurogane didn't want to put up with this since it was not leading to sex. However, now that Fai had gotten him in the mood, getting batteries would lead to sex. Therefore, he grabbed the keys off the counter and said, "Get in the car."

"Yay! You do love me!" Fai proceeded to run out the door, grabbing his coat on the way.

Why the hell do I put up with him? Kurogane thought.

While following Fai's path to the car, he decided that this was no big deal. Yes, this was completely stupid. Yes, it would take at least an hour. Yes, Fai was being unreasonable. But it wasn't anything to start a huge argument over (Kurogane had to freeze for a second at that thought). It was just a simple trip to Wal-Mart, no different than one during the day, so everything should be fine.

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**Characters You'll Probably See:** Sakura, Syaoran, Mokona, Yuuko, Ashura, and Seishiro (and since there's Seishiro, I'll maybe be putting Subaru somewhere, but I don't know). Those are the most likely ones, but who knows! I might come up with some other crackalicious scenarios with more characters (like Watanuki and Doumeki, who I surprisingly cannot come up with anything at the moment)!

**1.)** A few years back, it use to take a half hour for my family to get to Wal-Mart. Luckily, they built a Super Wal-Mart ten minutes away three years ago, so we don't anymore, but I'm just saying this to clarify that yes, it can take a while to go get batteries.

**2.)** (side note) I'm sure a lot of you are kind of going "why -such and such-." Trust me, I probably know what you guys are thinking, but I couldn't find a place to properly address them in this chapter.

**A/N:** Much dirtier than I planned, but oh well! Stupid plot bunnies. Oh, you can see my fic updates (like, what I'm currently working on) at my profile. Why did I say that? Because I have a bunch I need to update, now four in the Tsubasa section. Ch'.

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed, and bonus points for whoever can name the movie that I got this idea from!


	2. Road Kill Funerals

**Date Written:** June 25, 2007

**Summary:** Road kill funerals. Whee!

**Mokona:** What's road kill?

**Flo:** -_pauses_- … You'll find out.

**Mokona:** -_looks adorably confused_-

**WARNINGS!** Dirty, dirty, DIRTY!!!! Yet, still no subtext.

**ALSO!** Slight OC-ness, or more precisely, personality extremities. Partly on Fai because I just had a BALL with this! XD

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It was about five minutes into this epic journey that Kurogane started thinking about Fai's reasons. It did make sense that a lot of things in the house needed batteries, but none that he could think of would hinder their everyday tasks, much less their sex life. Kurogane was suspicious.

"Hey," he said as Fai conducted some symphony or whatever he was forcing them to listen to (Kurogane never really cared what was on the radio).

"Hm?" Fai said, not stopping in his rapid hand motions that in no way what so ever resembled some sort of beat.

"How many things in the house use batteries?"

The maestro paused in his conducting for a second before going back. "Silly, Kuro-pii! Don't you know?"

"Answer the damn question." Kurogane wasn't about to put up with such stupidity while he was trying to keep his focus on the road.

Fai completely stopped and put a finger to his chin. That was a warning sign for Kurogane that he had in fact been tricked. "Well, there's the electric razor… I think that's about it when it comes to things that would slow us down!"

"I knew it!"

"Then why didn't you-?"

"Because I wasn't thinking!"

"Oh, was my little friend down there doing the thinking for you?"

"Shut up!"

"Now now, would you rather be shaving with a butcher knife tomorrow, risking slitting your throat?"

"…What the hell are you talking about?! Don't answer that. Instead, answer why you are so desperate to drag me out in the middle of the night to go to a freakin' store half an hour away for some damn batteries that we don't even need!"

"First off, everybody needs batteries! Second, it is not the middle of the night, it is simply a little late and dark. Third, I just thought of something else that needs batteries. The TV remote!"

"Oh, now that just completely justifies everything! Great!"

"Thank you."

"That was sarcasm!"

"As was what I said."

"Damn it!"

"Calm down and please focus on the road, Kuro-myu. We've already started on our way there, so it just makes sense that we keep going, right?" Kurogane disagreed, but decided to bite his tongue. No telling what Fai would try to do if he turned them around. "Right. Also, it's such a lovely night out! Not a cloud in the sky! It's perfect to just lay outside and star gaze, don't you think?"

"Are you trying to make me less pissed or something? Because crap like that isn't going to work."

"How about if we have a little fun while we're star gazing?" Fai tucked a pieced of hair behind his ear and slid his fingers around to inside his mouth in order to give Kurogane a better idea of his true meaning. Kurogane just gave his grunt of approval on that.

Oddly enough, the previous yelling hadn't distracted Kurogane in the least bit from the road. No, he had that down damn well. What was distracting as anything was Fai sucking on his own fingers, making tiny moaning sounds, and giving him "the look." All of it was on purpose. Fai was an attention whore. And then the word "whore" sent Kurogane's mind into over drive on fantasies and before either one knew it, something jumped out in front of the car.

Due to both passengers being sexually distracted (or in other words, horny), the thing hit the wind shield at 55 miles per hour, making a sickening "BAM!" sound. Kurogane immediately hit the breaks and both Fai and himself sat there for a while, letting what just happened go through their brains.

Fai was the first one out of the car, making his way behind it since the thing basically flew over the car after the hit. Kurogane sat there for bit longer, wondering if he really cared about whatever was behind them since it definitely was too small to be a human, therefore if he left, he wouldn't be sued. However, he had already let Fai slip out, so now he had to follow. The man was whipped.

"You hit a bunny!" Fai yelled at him right when Kurogane stepped out of the car.

"Huh?" Kurogane, ever the intellectual, answered, making his way over to where Fai was crouching in the back lights.

"A bunny! You hit a bunny! A little white bunny with a red jewel on it's forehead and an earring! And look! It's fluffy bunny tail is gone! How could you?!"

"Don't make it sound as though it was my fault!"

"Who was driving again?"

"Shut up! It was you being an attention whore that distracted me! And besides, anything that's stupid enough to jump out in front of a moving car probably deserved to die!"

"So you're saying that if I jumped in front of a car, then I deserved to die because I was 'stupid?!'"

"Are you planning on doing that anytime soon?" Fai shook his head after actually giving it a thought. Kurogane mentally thanked the guy's therapist. "Then I don't see the problem."

"It's hypothetical."

"Fine. Nobody deserves to die, but I would consider you more stupid than I do now."

"What?!" Okay, so that wasn't really the best answer. "First you call me a whore and then you say that I'm stupid for throwing myself in front of a car?!"

"I didn't-!"

"Well, it is quite obvious that you don't care about me or Commodore Fluffy Britches!"

"What medicine have you taken to name something dead such a ridiculous name?!"

"None, he came with it!" Kurogane was shutting up now because his brain was hurting. However, the part about Fai not taking any medicine worried him. "Now if you'll excuse us, we are going to walk to Wal-Mart. Good day."

"It's ni- WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT NASTY THING?!"

Fai had taken off his jacket and wrapped the dead bunny up in it like a baby and was making his way down the road past their car. He didn't appear to be stopping, either. Kurogane began to make his way towards him, but stopped when he realized they were getting out of the light of the car's headlights, so he ran back and slowly made his way to Fai with it.

"What the hell are you doing?!" he demanded out the window.

"I am going to Wal-Mart for batteries," Fai answered, eyes straight ahead. "And Fluffy is coming, too, so we may get him some flowers for his funeral."

Pause.

"I don't think that they'd let you in there with a dead animal."

"Well then, I shall find a proper burial ground for it. One that does not oppress bunnies by calling them stupid. Doesn't that sound like a wonderful place?"

"Sure, whatever."

"I was talking to Fluffy."

"It's dead!"

"I know, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't talk to him!"

"Yes, it does! Now get in the car!"

"No."

"Get the car!"

"No."

"Get in the freakin' car now, or I'll drag you in!"

"No."

Kurogane gripped the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white. This would be a great one to tell the doctor. He slowly counted to ten and took a few deep breathes before continuing. "Fai, I am sorry for calling you stupid if you jump in front of a moving vehicle. Now, if you will… please get in the car?"

"No."

"GET IN THE CAR!"

"No!"

"FAI, GET IN THE DAMN CAR!"

"No!"

"Damnit! Damnit! Damnit!"

"I'll get in the car if you do one thing for me."

Kurogane looked up from where he was hitting his head on the steering wheel and growled, "What?"

UuUuUuUuUuUuUuU

"Dearly beloved," Fai began, "we are gathered here today to commemorate our dearly departed friend, Commodore Fluffy Britches. He was a good bunny, though due to many hardships and trials in his past, he could no longer bear the thought of going through another day with such troubles. So Kuro-chan hit him with his car."

"It wasn't on purpose!"

"Sh, Kuro-tan! You're being disrespectful!"

Kurogane was also being a few other things, such as pathetic. In his own mind, that is. And probably to passer bys. Thankfully, nobody in their right mind would be out that late at night, hence why Fai and he were out that late at night (but for the record, it was mainly Fai).

"Are you done, yet?" Kurogane asked. "I'm freezing my nads off here."

"Poor baby," Fai said. "I'd warm them up for you-" Hell yes! Kurogane thought, "-but then I'd feel like I was desecrating the bunny's grave. Sorry!"

It took all of Kurogane's will power to not strangle that man.

After a moment of silence, a few flower petals tossed, and Fai's rendition of "Come Sail Away," it was deemed acceptable to leave.

"Thank God," Kurogane mumbled as he quickly made his way back to the car, a (thankfully) pleased Fai trotting behind. For five seconds. Kurogane had to stop when he didn't hear his foot steps anyway. Turning around, he saw the man was crouched beside the mound of dirt they had just buried the rabbit in. "Damnit, Fai! What the hell are you doing?!"

"Kuro-tan," Fai began, "the dirt's moving."

Pause.  
"What?"

"The dirt, it's moving. Almost as if Commodore Fluffy Britches was trying to-HOLY CRAP!"

Kurogane rushed over to the now toppled Fai to make sure he was okay, then to see what exactly had surprised him… which had better be damned good because Kurogane had never once been able to get the upper hand on him.

Squinting his eyes, he was able to make out a stubby white paw sticking up from the ground. It twitched a bit, went back under, and then suddenly a white fur ball popped out as if it were some pop idol.

Needless to say, it scared the proverbial shit out of Kurogane, though he'd never admit it to Fai. Speaking of, he appeared to have gotten over his scare and was now hugging the disgusting thing. A mental note was added to Kurogane's head to not touch Fai until he had a bath, no matter how horny he got.

"Oh, Commodore Fluffy Britches!" Fai was cooing. "I thought you were gone forever!"

"Mokona is not a Commodore," the thing said, freaking out Kurogane even more.

Fai?

"Wow, you can talk!"

"Of course Mokona can talk!" it continued. "It's one of Mokona's 108 secret techniques."

"Really? And is Mokona your name?"

"Yup! Mokona Modoki, but you may call me Mokona! What's your name?"

"I'm Fai and that heap of angry fluff behind me is Kuro-chan."

"Kurogane!" Kurogane yelled. Despite being freaked out by what he was assuming was an alien, he still felt he had to protect the dignity of his name. On a more serious note, it appeared that Fai was going to be needing some sort of medication after their next session. "What the hell are… 'you', exactly? An alien or something?"

"No, that's silly!" the Mokona thing laughed. "Mokona is a science experiment!"

Alright, now that made some sort of sense… in a twisted Fai D. Flourite-is-my-boyfriend kind of way. Well, maybe not "boyfriend." That sounded too sissy in Kurogane's mind. Partner was a no. Lover was too girly. Fuck buddy was a definite not because it had taken nearly a year of romancing before Kurogane actually got into the guy's pants. Trophy? Yeah, trophy sounded right. Lord knows whenever they walked around town, girls and guys ogled the sexy foreigner. It brought a smirk of triumph to Kurogane's face to see their weeping, jealous faces as he wrapped his arm around Fai's waist, merely to mock these unworthy beings.

"Kuro-tan, why are you standing there looking lost?" Fai asked.

Specifically from inside the car, looking at Kurogane as if he were the crazy one. Kurogane growled and stomped back to the car to take his place behind the wheel, only to see the science experiment (gone horribly, horribly wrong) sitting there, it's stubby paws trying to turn the wheel.

"Mokona will drive!" it exclaimed. "I know exactly where we're going!"

"Don't think so," Kurogane grumbled, before grabbing it by the ears and tossing it out.

"Kuro-puu!" Fai chastised. "You shouldn't be so mean to Mokona! It needs to get back home to it's creator! Besides, the science lab place is on the way to Wal-Mart, it's no big detour."

Kurogane contemplated this. On the one side, he'd have to put up with that thing the entire way. On the other, all he'd have to do was toss it out the window in passing and it would also make Fai happy. Number two quickly won out, and they were soon on the road again, plus one rabbit hybrid.

Who was cuddling way too far into Fai's lap for Kurogane's liking.

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**A/N:** I don't know why this took so long to actually finish, but hopefully I'll be faster with the next few. And yes, I STARTED this in June, but finished today (March 11).

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcome with the ingredients of Mokona!


	3. Sexy Lady Wasted on Gay Men

**Date Written:** April 11, 2008 (then finished July 3, 2008)

**Summary:** On their way to drop off their new passenger, the problem solves itself when they come across a weird yet sexy hitchhiker! Of course, then they get a whole new batch of problems.

**WARNINGS!** I don't think I need to do this anymore, simply because if you've gotten past the first two, then it's not really gonna get much worse… OR IS IT?! Who knows.

**Hope you enjoy!**

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Kurogane had always prided himself on probably being the most patient person on the face of the earth. True, he occasionally got a little irritated, but could you blame the man? No, you couldn't. He had a crazy, blonde foreigner as a boyfri… I mean trophy. Probably Swedish considering how hot he was… hang on, why doesn't he know that?!

"Hey, where the hell are you from?!" Kurogane asked.

Fai stared at Kurogane for a second before grinning and giving a typical answer, "My, Kuro-tan, if you have to ask then I don't think I should tell you!" Kurogane swore that there was a little heart attached to that sentence.

Anyway, thoughts of Fai being either a spy sent to uncover government secrets or an escapee from a different country's mental institute due to their program providing unfair treatment for their patients (the first one sounded hotter, so Kurogane went with it) quickly left his brain as their new little companion (moocher) suddenly jumped onto his head.

"Fai, why are you with Kuro-scary?" Mokona asked from atop Mount Pissed.

"Hm?" Fai mumbled. "What do you mean?"

"He's so scary! His eyes are all narrowed and red, like a wolf about to devour it's prey on a dark, moonlit night!"

"… You're right! Wow, Kuro-wolfie, I better stay careful around you from now on! I wouldn't want to get gobbled up by the Big Bad Wolf."

For some reason Kurogane thought that there was a hidden, sexual meaning to that. Probably because the little pain in the ass had been tempting him with sex all damn night. That didn't stop him from yelling, though.

"Both of you shut up and let me drive, damnit!"

"LOOK OUT!"

On instinct, Kurogane slammed on the breaks, sending his head to meet the steering wheel. As his vision cleared, he heard Fai say, "Whoo, Momma! Check out the legs on her!"

In the headlights, true to Fai's statement, stood a tall, pale woman with her skirt hitched up to reveal a long leg, complete with a garter. As if that wasn't enough to attract attention, her chest was probably qualified as a flotation device in case of emergency. All of this was well and good, but Kurogane honestly wasn't terribly impressed. He preferred his meals blonde, slender, and vulnerable. Trust him, when Fai was in the right situation, such as a scary movie, he was very open to "comfort."

Of course, Fai's therapist had gotten onto him for using sex as an anti-depressant. It wasn't Kurogane's fault, it was Fai's! He was even worse when rejected! And it was that reasoning that got Kurogane into personal sessions with the therapist, too.

"Evenin', stranger!" the trophy was saying out the window. "Now who in their right mind would leave a bombshell in the road?"

"Oh, you are precious!" the woman said as she approached the car. "But you're actually wrong on that account. I'm here on my own accord due to the fact that one of my little pets got separated from us and it's absolutely vital I get her back. Can I have a ride?"

"Why didn't you take a car to begin with?!" Kurogane yelled.

"My, who let a big, scary dog drive?"

"WHAT?!"

"By the way, I'm Yuuko."

"Don't introduce yourself as if you're going to be hanging around!"

"I'm Fai!" Fai said. "And this is-"

"Kurogane!" Kurogane interrupted. Yes, he planned on her not coming along and saw no point in introductions, but he had to protect the dignity of his name. Sadly, it's almost always in vain.

"Yuuko!" the zombie rabbit suddenly exclaimed while jumping into the security of her bosom.

"There you are, Mokona! We've been looking all over for you and you are in big trouble, yes you are!" It didn't appear so to Kurogane.

"What a coincidence!" Fai announced.

"Mokona is sorry," the thing babbled, "but I saw a big truck of alcohol go by and wanted to get it for the other Mokona and Yuuko!"

Yuuko and Fai let out a sigh while Kurogane mentally admitted to that being as good a reason as any to leave somewhere. He really wished one would drive by at that time. Speaking of, did they have alcohol in the house? Better yet, did Wal-Mart carry it?

"So where exactly are the two of you going this late at night?" Yuuko was saying. "A motel?"

He wished.

"Nope!" Fai said. "We're out of batteries so we're going to Wal-Mart!"

Yuuko gasped. "Out of batteries?! How terrible! Why, I remember this one time when my lab assistant was foolish enough to forget to pick them up. I had to have him change the television channel by hand the rest of the evening! It's a horrible thing, really… Did you say you were going to Wal-Mart?"

"Yup! Hop in!"

"Don't mind if I do!"

"What the hell makes you think she's going there OR that I'm going to drive her?!" Kurogane roared. There was something about this woman that he honestly didn't like. Something that made him think that she would kidnap Fai in order to make him her pet, like a cat.

"Silly!" Fai laughed. "Everybody needs to go to Wal-Mart!"

"Plus, you're little boy toy, here, said for me to hop in," Yuuko began, "so that's what I'll do!"

"Don't!" Kurogane ordered.

"What? Can't hear you over the sound of the car door opening."

"I'm serious, lady! You are not to step foot in here so take your weird assed science experiment and-!"

"Kuro-tan, she's already in the back seat," Fai pointed out.

"Kuro-tan?!" Yuuko squealed. "That's adorable!"

"Get. Out. Now," Kurogane growled between clenched teeth.

No answer.

Kurogane glared into his rear view mirror at her to try and get his point across, but all the woman was doing was idly petting Mokona while appearing to be deep in thought. She had her finger to her chin and everything. Kurogane was just about to yell at her again when she suddenly broke out in a large grin and snapped her fingers.

"Got it!" she proclaimed.

"Got what?" Fai, ever the provider, asked.

"Okay, Mr. Bad," Yuuko cooed as she leaned towards the front of the car. The armrest in-between the front seats acted as a wonderful chest rest, by the way. "I'll make you a deal. You see, I really need some string tonight."

"You don't have it at wherever the hell you're from?" Kurogane grumbled.

"No. At least, not red string. We have white string I know for a fact, but there's no red string in the house and I NEED red string. Wal-Mart has a little place for sewing, right? Don't answer that, I already know they do. Therefore, I want to go there."

"I don't see where you're going with this, lady."

"Of course you don't! Now don't interrupt! Anyway, since the red string is an absolute must for me at the current time, I need you to take me to Wal-Mart. This is where I scratch your back for you scratching mine. It just so happens that I have a Wal-Mart gift card for one hundred dollars. You two did take care of my little Mokona in it's moment of need. That in itself deserves repayment of I'd say about half of this. Give me a lift, and the entire card is yours."

Well that was a conundrum if Kurogane had ever seen one. He knew that this woman would be a pain in his ass. Then he added in the fact that she and Fai were hitting it off better than peanut butter and jelly. That made a sandwich of disaster. However, a hundred dollar Wal-Mart gift card was pretty sweet. They already had great savings so it was like a gift card to discount heaven, which they really needed seeing how Fai's… let's say, "special qualities" had, for a while, prevented him from properly functioning in the work environment and they were still having trouble with the bills. But it was probably just the fact that it was a bar he was working at first. The current café was fine. Curious.

But it seemed that there was no choice.

"Fine," Kurogane hissed. "But you better behave! All of you!"

"Yes, Kuro-daddy!" Fai cheered.

Of course, Yuuko began to cackle like a mad woman at that particular nickname. Kurogane chose to be the bigger man and ignore it as he started up the car and continued on their merry way. Yes, ignoring was the best way to go. After all, the teachers always told the kids who got bullied during school that ignoring the bully made him stop. Then again, Kurogane was the bully and he had to say for a fact that that never worked. It was always advice that teachers with no clue gave who probably got their child behavior knowledge from after school specials. The only real way to get a bully to stop was to get another bully to kick his ass. It was this technique that Kurogane employed when Fai and he were in elementary school and a bunch of kids would pick on the blonde boy. It took a few beatings since kids are dumb, but Kurogane succeeded, thus intertwining their futures.

The only problem with this method being administered in the current situation was that Yuuko was obviously a type of bully as well. While Kurogane was the physical, "touch that kid and I'll bite off your finger, then poke your eye out with it," type of bully, Yuuko came across as the mental, "do you REALLY want to do that?" type. The physical bully was primarily effective on other boys. Meanwhile, the mental bully had a near ninety percent success rate when faced with either gender.

As anyone can plainly see, Kurogane was screwed.

It was painfully obvious to him that Yuuko was going to try and snatch Fai away with promises of candy mountain and kitties that crapped rainbows, only to really sell him on the sex slave market. The only choice Kurogane had was to become a multi millionaire who made his way up through the seediest parts of the business, and then buy Fai back as his personal sex slave. That way, he could put duct tape over his mouth in order to shut him up. Then again, with tape over his mouth he couldn't (1)-

"What the hell are you doing?!" Kurogane yelled to Fai's very perfectly round ass.

"Going to the back seat," Fai's ass very casually explained as the rest of Fai flipped into the back, as stated.

"I'm in the middle of driving and you find this the perfect time to start acting like a freakin' monkey?!"

"He's not a monkey," Yuuko said. "He's my precious little Fai-kitty!"

Kurogane didn't have to turn around or even look in his rear view mirror to know that she was showering Fai with affection and cuddling the living daylights out of him. Really, he wasn't all that surprised they were getting along so well. Simply put, Yuuko had already shown an interest in teasing him, so therefore, Fai loved her. It was the same concept with Fai and his sister, Tomoyo.

As Kurogane gripped the steering wheel into submission, he briefly thought about how typical it would be if they ended up coming across some love struck teenagers wanting to elope.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

**1.)** Okay, seriously, am I the ONLY author who goes off on these crack tangents?! I think I am. I really try not to, I honestly do, but… -_shrug_- I'm not becoming an actual writer, just soes ya' know. If I did, my editor would hate me.

**A/N:** See? Quicker update! Now hopefully, I'll be able to update some more of my other works, too! I'm practicing self discipline with my art (I'm thinking of being a manga type person -_blushes_- It's kind of embarrassing… hum, I think that they have editors, too, don't they? XDDDD), and it's starting to slip into my writing! So rejoice!

You know what to do!

Please leave a review!

As always, CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is welcomed with… um… stuff! Your choice!


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